


signs

by porcelain



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, TW: suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-11 20:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porcelain/pseuds/porcelain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>stiles wonders if others think about dying too, like the burning stars up in the sky. there must be a certain sadness to being up there in the milky way, year after year, all alone, after all. perhaps a 400 year old tree wants to hang itself by its own branch, sticky sap as the only reminder that it was once alive. what about tiny ants, or homeless cats, or wilting flowers?</p>
            </blockquote>





	signs

stiles thinks about dying a lot.

not just thinks about it—more like he fantasizes about all the different ways that he could. he imagines himself dead somewhere in an alley, shot in a gang fight accidentally because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time, or biking and then suddenly a car crashes into him, or taking a hot bath and suddenly he sinks lower and lower and closes his eyes, feeling everything in his body tighten as he struggles to breathe.

maybe he’ll go to the golden gate bridge. he doesn’t know why it’s called the golden gate bridge when it’s obviously red. tourists, stiles muses to himself, are morbid. why would anyone want to visit that place? it’s not so golden when it’s the second most common suicide site in the world. more people die by suicide at that bridge than any other in the world.

he doesn’t like the thought of killing himself by that, though. it’s too thrilling too fast. he doesn’t want to feel his heart race right before it’s about to stop. the drop down into the water must be horrid because in that small frame of time, anyone would panic and regret their decision to jump. all the jumpers that survived said so, and stiles believes them.

stiles wonders if others think about dying too, like the burning stars up in the sky. there must be a certain sadness to being up there in the milky way, year after year, all alone, after all. perhaps a 400 year old tree wants to hang itself by its own branch, sticky sap as the only reminder that it was once alive. what about tiny ants, or homeless cats, or wilting flowers?

no, he doesn't suppose so.

 

once, for his eighth birthday, scott’s mother gets him a bounce house. stiles vividly remembers jumping inside that giant blood-red castle. he’s trying to impress some girl that he doesn’t even know, yells out to scott to “watch what i can do!” and attempts to do a backflip in the air.

he lands flat on his back and the wind is knocked out of him. he lays there, his fingers splay outwards towards the sun and he struggles to regain his breath. when it won’t come back, a lone tear seeps out from the corner of his eye as he thinks this is going to be the way he dies. his breathing comes back. none of the other children notice.

stiles runs out of the bounce house immediately afterwards, choosing to go home early instead. that’s the only time scott cuts the cake without him.

ever since that moment, stiles imagines that his eventual death will be subtle. almost pleasurable as the last moments seep away. he imagines it will be like sleep. a nothingness. that’s an idealistic thought, though, even if it's soothing, and that's probably not going to be the way he dies.

not that he would kill himself, though. he wouldn’t kill himself. maybe he’s a coward, but he doesn’t have any sort of validation. he’s got a lot going on in his life right now, what with the whole werewolves thing; scott needs him, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. then there’s trying to get good grades so he can graduate and get a job and do adult things like everyone else, he supposes. helping his dad stay afloat is the most important, though, since his mom isn’t here anymore to do the dishes and take care of him and make sure he's eating right. that's stiles' job, now. 

he doesn’t think another stilinski death would be something he wants to keep as a tradition. 

 

so like all the other days, stiles pops an adderall and when he stands on the sidewalk and sees a car turn the corner, he lets it pass, because he decides he doesn't feel like dying that day. 

stiles just thinks about it a lot, that’s all.


End file.
